Don't do anything. There is nothing you can do to be honest. I LOVE my dad, and he left when i was 1. I only see him 3 days a year. but i love him very very much because he is generally nice, and even if he wasn't, he is still my father. there is just a special connection. No matter who you replace the original with they wont be good enough in a childs eyes. When she gets older than 9, she will however come to appreciate her stepmother, if she is truely the parent you say she is (im not saying that she isn't) just remember, you can't force maturity on a child. It will just take time.What do you do when you child turns on a stepparent who has been more of a parent than the real parent?
I am sorry dre but it seems to me that you have something better you should be thinking about other than your daughter. I am not saying she is a bad kid but she does sound like a hater. And do you really want a hater ruining your new marriage. Think of how your wife feels she should be the center of your attention for like 90 days after she walks down the aisle. But here you are loosing your mind over how your daughter is happy or unhappy. Maybe she is a hater and is hating that you are not with her mother or whatever. But I am guessing that your wife feels like she is a big as an ant right now cause you aren’t giving her any attention even though she just made a life long commitment to her instead you are tying yourself up with the thoughts of your daughter who is probably acting like her mother. Why do you think that couples go on extra long honeymoons. Here is my advice smack your daughter and take your wife on a long weekend and shower her with attention hang on you wife like she is made of gold and maybe your daughter will calm her little behind down. If she doesn’t then send her to one of those kid bootcamps and maybe she will get her act together and if that fails send her to her mother. Love your wife man!
Hey tell your child that she needs to calm down its not a good way to be. She is just upset because your wife is permanent. She probably thought you were going to eventually break it off. Watch how you treat your wife around her. If she sees you being happy with her then she will make the correct assumption that your wife is permanent u however if she sees that you guys always argue maybe she is unsure of why you married her in the first place. Also what you may want to look at is how the reasons that you and you wife go through problems. I have found that when my daughter misbehaved it was because she knew her behavior would cause a great problem between my wife and me. So I would tell my wife she was not trying hard enough and get mad at her and my daughter would hear us arguing and take it that she could split up my marriage by misbehaving. My daughter lived with me because I was a widow. At first when her mother died she was okay but then when I was married she started to misbehave and do things when I was not around. I quickly chalked this up to normal preteen behavior. My wife tried to implement rules and I never really enforced them I thought my wife was asking for to much now I realize that if we had have followed through maybe my marriage would have lasted and maybe my daughter would not have ended up in a juvenile detention center. I did not pay much attention to what was o occurring around me and I was very dismissive and I never placed blame where it belonged and I allowed my child to ruin my marriage.
I had a similar experience to the one of the previous ones. I was a step mom. When I stepped in to the situation there was this sweet little 9 year that was innocent. Her mother of course said mean things about me without knowing me at all. And this caused a large problem. My husband had custody of my step daughter and his two sons they were 13 and 14 they loved me to death. Her father kept saying she would be fine just needed to adjust to me being around. I kept turning the other cheek every time she was cheeky with me and didn’t listen to me I simply stated that she would change. I did everything my husband said and she still ran over me. So this little girl clearly a “daddys little girl” kept acting out and it got as far as her pouring bleach into my diet bars jar. When I ended up in the hospital I never thought it could be her. I got really sick. Then I got better and returned home. Two weeks late I am back in the hospital this time for e-coli poisoning. I was still confused. After being treated for that I returned home. After washing my hair a week following my hair turned gray someone had put bleach in my shampoo. I was thinking that the shampoo company messed up. Then the e-coli thing happened again and I took all of my personal items to my sisters lab. She found out someone was taking my toothbrush and rubbing it in the toilet. That someone poured bleach into my shampoo. I told my husband this and he quickly said his angelic daughter could not have done this. I packed up a bag that day and never looked back at the man. She got what she wanted now I am happily married to a good man that really cares about my happiness.
Hello I am a step mom!I have a 17 year old step daughter that I wish would just evaporate. She acted insane when I first married her father and I was 20 when I married her father she was 10 years old. She was so upset. Always telling her mother crazy things and in turn her mother hated me because of the things that her daughter told her about me. My step daughter even went as far as telling her father that if we had children that she was running away to Vegas to scare him. So we never had any kids. He did everything around what would make her happy and feel good. He made sure she got to school everyday and had every little thing her heart desired. He lived his life for her happiness. But she didn’t turn out so well. She has two babies they live with us too. She dropped out of school and got her GED. She is moving in with her new child’s father (pregnant again) when she turns 18 and I am filing for divorce. He lived his life for his daughter and now I am going to be living off of his alimony.
Sounds like your ex put a bug in her ear.
Have you had a daddy-daughter date where you can talk - without being worried about being overheard - about what changed? And listen. Ask probing questions. Don't judge her feelings.
At least then hopefully you'll know why and maybe you can clear up some misunderstanding if there is one.
Worry about your daughter and get a new wife. Maybe it will work with another woman get and old ugly wife that is super dumb and submissive and cant speak good English then you will have a chance at your daughter being happy and friendly. Often parents allow their lives to focus on how happy their children are. You can spend your life that way but the chances are big that your wife will see that you are very worried about your child. This will make her examine if you care that your child is hateful towards her. You have to make a decision that reflects what is most important to you. If you have your daughter in a position that allows her to torture the life out of your wife then you made the decision that means that your child’s happiness is more important that your wife’s. What does this child do that shows that she hates her? Does it bother your wife? Or is she past that stage of caring about what the child does and basically is a person without a personality. My sister was a step mother and her step kids acted poorly. She turned into a woman with no soul. She lost all of the things that made her beautiful her hair didn’t shine any more and she stopped wearing makeup. She made up these crazy routines to stay away from her house. She lost a significant amount of weight because of the stress and got down to 90 pounds. She only cared that the meals were made, that the bills were paid, and the house was clean other than that she lost all of the spark that made her cool once. It was unfair to see my sister that way and I wanted to go punch the guy for not being a better father and husband and doing what was needed for my sister. Next week my brother in law and her husband informed my sister that he wants a divorce because she is not the same person and I told him I wonder why she is not the same! Its because of him! If your wife is at this stage then I can only say that hopefully your next marriage is better.
I sure hope you get this answer because it will be a long one. I have been in your situation and the exact situation I mean. I will give you my story. I was single (or really dating women that were not serious in my life) then I met this woman I loved everything about her from the beginning. You know how we guys have a little doubt but I think my doubt was simply fear over what could be done to my heart. I finally let her in and introduced her to my children. And they were agreeable at first and the loved her. I have a 5 year old son and a 10 year old daughter that live with me because their mom works a lot in the military. So anyhow my children loved her. Then we announced our marriage my son did not care because he was to young to understand to him he understood he was finally getting a mom that would be there to give him a bath cook some of the meals and sometimes pick him up from school that’s all my son cared about. My daughter went into full fledged drama mode. I was confused and I wanted to know where the heck my princess went. I had put so much into our father daughter relationship and every ay her actions and attitude surprised me. After a stressful engagement, due partly to my daughter, my wife and I were married. I thought the problems would die but they only got larger. I ignored my wife’s needs because my daughter called for constant attention and it even got as far as my daughter calling her mother to ask if she could live with her. My wife became instantly offended at this. All of a sudden my wife became short tempered and easily angered. I was in the middle of the constant crossfire. I demanded that my daughter cease trying to live with her mother so that we could bond as a family. My daughter’s attitude became worse with my wife and as a result my wife stopped communicating with my daughter. When I told my wife to be the bigger person she stopped communicating with me. I didn’t realize that by telling my wife to be the bigger person I was placing the blame on her when she stepped into a difficult situation. I continued to blame my wife telling her that we needed help and I secretly blamed her for not making my house more comfortable. I did not realize that she moved into my home. She had to become accustomed to my children. She had to learn our ways, and cook the way that we liked it, and treat my children the way they were accustomed to being treated to be accepted by my children and after looking at that I realized that I was expecting her to give up on her own ways I was telling her that by being unique and having her own standards she was going against our family policy and was not being a team player. This made her feel like an outcast and unimportant and how could she stay where she was not allowed to be herself. When everything she did and said was criticized by my daughter. When each time she made any suggestion about the way things were done in the house I pretended that it was unimportant and did not hear her out. I had chosen the comfort level of my children and myself over the happiness of the woman that I testified before God to love, honor, and obey. Often as guys we forget that we should love, honor, and obey our wives and I do admit to having lost sight of that. Sometime as men we push our wives to go certain ways then get upset as they go that way. I pushed my wife away by constantly being concerned about the children and what was going on with them. I didn’t get the hints when she was constantly sad and depressed and when my daughter would come around she would instantly clam up, I didn’t think about the fact that she did her best to not interact with both children when my daughter was home but when she would go out my wife would open like a flower and have a great time with my son. This occurred because when I was not home my daughter would treat my wife like crap, when my wife would tell me I would have a conversation with my daughter but nothing would ever change. My wife and daughter were no match made in heaven. I did not care to do anything about it other than tell my daughter to stop and tell her that my wife was great. What I didn’t realize was that my wife being great was not enough for my daughter and she acted the way that she did because she wanted her real mother. I was trying to force my new family on my daughter and this made her loathe my wife. She then took this out on my wife resulting in my wife loosing her mind because there was nothing she could do to make it better. My family split up after that basically. My wife walked out on me one day, just left me a dear john letter and told me she was actually morning her things out a month ago and that I was just so caught up with my daughter that I never even noticed her clothes and shoes disappearing from the closet. She then had me served with divorce papers, she was pregnant at the time but had the child aborted after I was served the papers. This hurt me so much. My daughter then organized to go live wi
I’m a former step child. My dad had 4 wives before me and my sisters decided to accept someone into his life at that time we were all in our late teens and he was old himself so we didn’t really need to much guidance. But we were very mean to these women we would make faces at her and act bad when my dad would leave us with them. We made shopping trips hell and we put it on our personal agenda to torture any children they had to bring into the family. We would make the little kids curse. I am a step mom and I know what its like to be in the other side of the situation now and it doesn’t feel good. A young lady constantly challenging you in frustrating and when your husband keeps telling you to try hard it only makes you feel like you are not good enough for him cause you cant handle his bratty children. The reality is that when you guys married us you knew that we were good enough but when you change your opinion of us because the step kids are turning on us then it only makes us feel like the marriage won’t last. Maybe she feels the way that I do now I have three step daughters all pre teens and early teens, and they are a terror I am wondering how the hell I even married their father. I love him and all but I don’t think that love can heal all wounds. His girls hurt my feelings every time that they return from their mothers house. And in front of my own child so now my child is picking up their mean behavior and I really just want to take my child out of the whole sour angry environment. All my child gets to see (5 year old girl) is me crying and stressed out every time they are there and my husband allowing this and telling me I need to “step up” when they are his children and he should control them and demand respect for his wife or tell them to get out until they can respect me. I do not think that I will stay with him much longer and I think he does not care about me or my child because he allows this. I agree with the guy that said no more kids cause you have to handle what you have and I am not to thrilled about having kids that are bound to disrespect me because they are learning from his older girls.
I have been the a step mom in the exact same situation and i have been a step child. My dad did things so that when he married my step mom i learned to respect her like i respect him. I love my step daughter but she is plain mean and manipulative too. She is 11 Years old and plays the role so well. I will now refer to my husband as ';her dad'; has has not shown me that he is ';my husband'; yet. So her dad acts like she is this innocent little girl who is just so sweet and he treats me like I am cruella deville. So let me tell my story. I am 27 and her father is 45. This was a problem for her. She questions my age, wants to wonder why she cant dress like i do and questions everything i do. Her father does not stop her which is why i think she does not respect me yet. She borrows my things and sometimes without asking. Its annoying. If I wanted a little sister I would have joined the program. But this girl she is constantly rude to me like I am her sister or on her level. She does not listen to any of my rules and I have told my husband that she does not understand that I am an authority figure of course he does not want to bother his little princess and tell her to act right and respect me. I am tired of this and whats worse my husband belittles me in front of her and maybe that's why she does not respect me. If he would respect me maybe she would if he would show that he likes me maybe she would grow to like me. We women should form a group against bad step children. In fact having bad step children should be grounds for annulment so that the marriage is like it never happened and we women can find a guy with some well behaved respectful children. My husband and I sleep in separate beds and so you know what that means. I feel bad for your wife. what I can tell you is that if she is important show her. Some useful tips.
Don't ever let the kids hear you two arguing. Talk quietly when they are around or send them out to play if you have to talk louder.
Don't ever make your wife's concerns small with poor statements like ';oh its not important'; or ';she will grow out of it'; or ';you're over reacting'; or ';she would never do that'; that is annoying
Show your wife that you love her, make your love for her known don't keep your relationship a secret to the world that makes us feel invisible.
Praise your wife in front of the children then maybe they will appreciate her too.
Recognize that your child, like my step daughter, is acting foolishly and should not be given attention for this foolish behavior. Exclude her on things that you know will be difficult and tell her why she is being excluded so that your wife does not get stressed out.
Do not create options that your wife is forced to honor like asking the kids what they want for dinner or if they want to have friends over when you know that you aren't the one that has to play house guest to other peoples children
Take your wife away for entire days and let the child know that you need to spend some alone time with your wife if they are upset over that and they sulk in your face they should receive a punishment.
When your daughter sulks when your wife asks her to do something or says something to her give her a punishment this will teach her to respect what your wife says and to obey her as she obeys you.
I hope it works out for the best
I’m really not understanding how you do not see the evident reason your baby’s mama is trying to ruin your life. She only has the child as a connection to you so she is going to keep filling that kids head. It doesn’t help that she is a girl and will naturally resent any woman that is the apple of her daddy’s eye. I had a similar thing happen only I am not a single dad. I have visitation half the month and her mother the other half. Lets see all the bull crap she hit me with over the years. Okay first it was DADDY YOU DON’T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH ME!!!! When her bucket head did not even want to do anything with me before I got married and I try to do more with her now don’t listen it’s a ploy so that you feel guilty about being with your wife. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your wife. Take it from me. My daughter also tried the “my mommy doesn’t do things this way she always does things with me” yeah don’t pay attention because you and her mother are two different people. Soon after she kept complaining my wife got pregnant this threw her mind into overdrive because now she knew we were creating more children. She stopped paying attention in school and started to get really moody. My wife tried to get her into activities and extracurricular things but she just resented her even more. I decreased my visitation to one week per month. She did absurd things when she and my wife were home together and my wife ended up delivering our first child early. We had a preemie that later passed away. This caused my wife a great depression and it was very sad. My daughter then went as far as writing in a text message that she was glad the baby died so that my wife could not take me away from her. I don’t know what the best thing to do is but get your wife some counseling early on if you know your daughter is going to misbehave, get your daughter some counseling too. It looks like you will have a few difficult years ahead of you.
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