But I'm 20 years old and they're treating me like I'm 2.
I spend most of the year at university, completely independent from them, so why am I not allowed any privacy at home?
It's making me really angry. How can I stop my parents from going through my drawers?
Tell them how you feel. They may just be worried that now your at uni you are taking drugs etc which i hope your not, and they don't know how to just ask you so they snoop. How can I stop my parents from going through my drawers?
Being a parent is a hard job especially when your children have grown up and can take care of themselves. It's sometimes hard for parents to realize that their offspring don't need them as much as they used to. You flying the nest is a big thing for them. They want to know that you're safe and you're o.k on your own.
Firstly what is it that bothers you about them hunting through your things. Have you got things in there you don't wish them to see? And are they things you don't want them to see because they're incriminating or simply because it would be embarrassing for you and them e.g. them finding your vibrator?
I think you need to have a frank and honest discussion with them and let them know that this is bothering you. Ask them why they're donig it and try and allay any reason or concerns they may have about the contents.
I'm sure that they want to treat you like an adult and if you approach it like an adult then this will win their respect and you'll be able to work it out.
Have you tried telling them that you would like to think that you could have the privacy you need, not because you have anything to hide, but that you think you have earned their respect?
I think it is best to say exactly what you feel. Do they do it while you are home or just when you are away? Maybe they feel that they want to know more about your life, or that you don't tell them anything. That is no excuse, but I am trying to work out why they would bother. Just be honest and open and tell them calmly that while you love being home, you don't feel comfortable with them going through your things.
Good luck.
Are you talking to them like a 20 year old adult or are you talking to them like a little 2 year old who throws a tantrum? Have an adult conversation with your parents. Tell them how what they're doing makes you feel. Ask them to respect your privacy. If they refuse, ask them what it is they feel you might be hiding.
It may be they're afraid you're involved with drugs and that you have a secret stash. They may feel like they're being responsible parents. Communicate with them clearly and in an adult manner and ask them to respect your privacy. If they're not able to do that you may want to consider finding another place to live.
I don't agree with foxinsox. You may be under your parents roof, but there are boundaries that a parent just should not cross, and I'm a parent who never crossed those boundaries. Every one is entitiled to some privacy and even some secrets. Maybe the best solution here is to outright tell them how you feel and if they can't respect that, then right in front of them, start going through their drawers! Especially if you've given them no reason to mistrust you, then they need to STAY OUT!!
Aw, that's so annoying! I read in MY DEAR ABBEY once that parents who are way over paranoid about their children's behavior have most likely done some really awful thing/s in their past. Either that, or... well, just that. So, it's their problem and if they can't treat you like a responsible 20-year-old, then sit them down and talk to them OR if that doesn't work, only keep what you don't care much about at home. Sorry, can't change others...
But, I really like that other comment, the one about getting good grades, get a good job, move out, and don't give them a key. That's brilliant!
First, parents are parents. Your their baby. Maybe you should get a little safe w/ a lock and key. I think most parents snoop. Mine did it too. I became intelligent and started finding other ways to hide stuff. I moved out at 18, lived in various apts, and finally bought a condo(on my own) at age 21, and now 24. So maybe you should have a sit down talk w/ them and tell them what you think... If they don't respect you as a young adult and give you privacy, then maybe you should think about finding your own place.
They are your parents.
They must still be footing the bill of your life somewhere... paying for college? Buying your clothes? Obviously you still live with them part-time in order for them to have access to your drawers.
As long as you are under their roof... they will continue to make sure that you are safe. Part of that (in their mind) is to make sure you aren't involved in drugs or whatever.
The best advice?
Keep your room spotless. Don't have anything for them to find. Keep your life spotless. Don't have anything for them to fret about. (i.e. keep your grades up, a nice group of friends, a decent boyfriend from a good family that you give them ample access to, keep lines of communication open...etc)
Then: graduate with honors, get a decent job and move out on your own.
Don't give them a key and they won't snoop through your drawers.
They will; however; still invade your life...its their job. They can't help themselves because they love you.
the fact that your 20 i feel i can give you some ideas, when i first read the question thought you were going to be a teenager!
i think you should really sit your mother down and explain how you feel!! but this is what i used to do when i was teenager i would keep a diary but a fake diary saying really innocent stuff basically to throw them off the scent what i was really doing. i would put it some where obvious the first place i thought my mum would look she would read it be satisfied and not look any further, it worked very well until i got bored of writing such boring rubbish!!! lol
Same happened to me too. My parents'd go through everything, my drawers, letters, box. My father used to even smell my mouth to see whether I had any chocolates or fags. There was nothing I could do. Some are like that.
Sit down and talk to them, and explain.
If you respect my privacy. I will respect yours.
If you stay out of my things. I will stay out of yours.
I have had twenty years trusting you.
Now that I am an adult. Please trust in me. %26lt;}:-})
Put some condoms and porn in there.
They may stop, or they may confront you about it in which case you can tell them to stop looking through your drawers like you're on probation.
Be nice,just leave them be.They want to know you are doing ok.add something to the drawer with a note..Movie tickets and a note saying to go out and have a good time, don't worry about me.
Talk to your parents %26amp; explain to them that you don't appreciate what they're doing. If they continue doing it, just move out %26amp; go stay with someone else who will respect your privacy.
They are just being good parents. They are checking up on you and thats a good thing. It means they care about you, don't get too angry.
You should get yourself a good paying job and move out so you're independent again.
Put a lock on your door. Simple as that, or move out. Your kind of old to be still living at home. I moved out when I was 18....
Lock the door
Thats terrible im sorry for you! put a lock on your bedroom door.
move out, you are too old to be living with your parents, or put a lock on it
just tell them
lol you're 20 and they are doing this?? I would cause hell! Tell them they've got to respect you or you won't respect them, and cause havoc. But be mean with it, don't go soft or you'll never earn your independance.
I went through the same thing but I was like 11 at the time. You need to do this already!
At 20, that is kind of weird.
Maybe you should just sit down with them and have a talk about this and why it bothers you. I'm sure they'd understand.
Oh, and, if you have nothing to hide in your drawers, then it shouldn't be a huge deal.
=)
If i were you i'd buy tons of sex toys and bondage stuff and scare the hell out of them. Teach them a lesson they'll not forget in a hurry
Put a lock on it...And what are they looking at your panties... WOOT..You can always come to my house and stay..
tell them how you feel and ask for a lock and explain how they feel if you went through your stuff
put a lock on your door thats what i use to do.
Just put a huge bag of oregano in a drawer, label it ';weed';...let them find what they wish not to find.
You should slap them! or rent an apartment
hmm..you could buy a safe..that way only you know the combination of it! :)
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